Marriage and Other Insecurities

Indian weddings are peculiar events. The functions are as huge as the size of families, if not more.
Lots of clutter, chaos, confusion, conflict, kinship, courtship and what not goes into making what the world has now deemed it as, "a big fat Indian wedding."

Mine was a traditional affair. I always knew I was going to get into an arranged marriage kind of setup; although some days love marriage felt like an easier, better option. I wanted my parents to take this decision for me. They're smarter, have more insight into me and know exactly what kind of person could keep me happy.

 And so it happened. My parents voyaged through the forest of bachelors, rooted out some weeds, cut through some overhanging branches, crossed rivers & lakes and found a gem for me. A gem called, for lack of a better term, 'my pati'. Well, technically, my fiancé but I like calling him pati more.

And along with pati, came his larger than life family. Just as dramatic, as filmy, as emotional, as fun-loving, as happy-go-lucky as my own family, if not more. Overnight, I was bestowed with an ebullient dad #2, a loving mom #2, a caring baby sis #2, an over-indulgent sis #2, a fun-loving brother-like jiju, a protective dadi #2 and my first ever, a shy dadaji. Add to that a cheerful lil Lhasa and you get the picture, right?

I couldn't have done better is what my parents said. And I couldn't disagree with them. But then there's the word- overnight. If that isn't sudden, I don't know what is. Here I am, coming back from a trip with my recently engaged brother, laughing about how this would be our last solo trip together and Lo & Behold! Now I am engaged myself. Woooooosh! That was fast!

For new readers here's what happened. I met him Friday. Got fixed on Saturday and finally went on my first date Sunday. Stuff, rom-coms are made of, isn't it?

For those that know me, know I am  used to be a commitment phobic person. I was/am will always be a tomboy at heart. I've always lived a single life and happily so. Never wanted-never needed a person to tell me what to do. I've always been a free-thinker, feminist, pro-freedom, pro-singlehood, anti-relationship, strong-hearted, hot-headed person.. All of which changed overnight.

All of a sudden, I was thrown into this deep pool of cheese called emotions and sentiments with bite sized portions of intimacy, affection, feelings and insecurities. It made for a proper fondue 3-Michelin star hotels would have been proud to keep in their menu.

As I was recovering from this shock of having been hooked up after a lifetime of independence, I was told my wedding date's been fixed 2.5 months down the line. That's not even a quarter of an year!!

Now, well-wishers would say 'you don't need much time to know another person', but in saying so, they would have completely missed the point about needing time to know a new side of me. A side no-one has ever seen, especially myself.

Who am I in a relationship? Whom do I turn into in a love affair? Am I a loving person or an insecure person or a confident lover or a sad puppy or an inconsiderate jerk or a doting wife or a doleful fiance?

I took some of these worries to my fiance. Actually, that would be an understatement. I freaked out on my fiance with a storm of questions and queries. Cried my eyes out in the privacy of my room. Scared my family and had my friends worried crazy. My calm, patient and ever-composed pati told me he'd give me space, he'd let me be, he'd support me in my decisions and give me as much time as I want.

Now that was some weight off my chest but his one statement still keeps me up some times as night. He said, "let's explore each other," which is another can of worms I rather not open. Intimacy and body image issues anyone?

My bonding with him grew and I became more confident of my decision in marrying him in the weeks that followed. We had a slight period of separation which only made us feel stronger for each other. I realized I might have minded PDA when other people did it but I couldn't care less of public when I indulged in it myself. My touches became more intimate; my words became more personal; my tone became gentler; my anger lost a lot of heat.

Due to his love, I became self-assured. Instead of turning into a small-minded, jealous girlfriend, I became an assertive and proud lover. I may not have the body of a model, but I've got the personality of a rock star. That's good enough for me so it should be enough for others too. In other words, I've never been more in love with myself.

One would think I am well sorted but that couldn't be further from the truth. There are still many hurdles to cross. This last one being the toughest ever. My family. Leaving it behind.

How do I make myself do that? How do I detach myself from the people I've been with since I entered this world? This family? This lifestyle? My home? The people who made me who I am. My parents, my brother, my relatives? How do I live without them?

The faces that my day starts and ends with? How do I digest the fact that shortly, there will be a time when I'd wake up in a different bed in a different room of a different house and look at different faces? People I've so far met once or twice a week for a couple of hours, shortly, I'd be devoting all my life to; my lifetime to.

Soon, my priorities will change, my responsibilities and my loyalties will change. I'll become a visitor to my own home, a guest to my own parents, a caller to my very cousins. How do I come to accept that? Why should I accept that?

Does a new beginning necessarily have to mean the end of an old phase? Doesn't time work in a continuum? Does marriage have to mean rebirth? Can't it just be a new chapter in the same book called life? Why should it mean replacement and not addition? Can't I keep the best of both worlds?
Can I not retain the good things of my single-hood and incorporate them into my married life? Do I have to choose between this and that?

Who made these pathetic rules about marriage? Well, I am challenging them now. I'd make it my mission to prove to everyone that I can continue to give great importance to my new parents without kicking my old ones out of the priority list. And if ever I stagger on my path, I am sure my pati would stand right behind me, hold me tight and tell me to carry on with my head held high.

Marriage isn't, shouldn't and wouldn't be an end of my old life, so it just has to mean a new turn.

One Crazy Night with my Best Friend

My best friend and I have had some really epic crazy days in our life. Days new age directors would love to make a movie out of.

However, of all the supremely crazy antics my best friend and I have thrown, this one takes the cake; for the total 'unbelievable' factor that it entails.

On December 25th 2010, my best friend, Sonakshi, along with my family and I made a trip to Jim Corbett National Park. The hotel that we reside there at is an eco-friendly hotel built at the border of the jungle where you can go for nature walks and other such adventure activities.

Being photography enthusiasts, after everyone fell asleep that night, we decided to shoot star-trails. Basically, long exposure night sky shot which results in long trails of the stars. It was out first attempt and we were more or less unprepared for what was to follow.

Around 1 o clock at night, the temperature suddenly dropped really low. It was about -2 degrees Celsius according to my cellphone. We were wearing single jackets since we hadn't contemplated this temperature drop which is normal for winter nights, nor were we aware that we'd have to spend at least an hour on a single image before seeing our results.

Since we didn't have an automatic trigger to stretch exposure time, we taped 2 pebbles on top of our click button to hold it down for exposure time.

It was jet black since the eco-friendly hotel believed in keeping things the way nature intended it. All of a sudden we hear strange gurgling noises. We freak out and jump up on our plastic chairs. What could it be?? We were too afraid to find out in case it was a ghost (bestie's suggestion). At this point, I was on the verge of fainting since I am not made for cold weathers and was miles beyond my comfort zone.
Suddenly we hear a loud cracking sound and Sonakshi made a low yelp swearing under her breath. We didn't know what to do and where to go and we were too afraid to move from our position. From behind us we hear whispers of a man, "what is happening here?" BY God ki Kasam we screamed better than what you hear in those B-grade horror movies. Sonakshi jumped out of the chair and began to run in the dark and when the dark figure caught her by the jacket and made her to halt.

The dark figure now lights up the torch and tells us hurriedly, "I am a watchman here. You girls are in grave danger, don't move a step!" We didn't know whether to sigh in relief or cry in horror. My best friend broke into a nervous laughter and was immediately shushed by the watchman.

He then points his torch on the ground about 8-10 feet away from us and we finally understand what he meant. There's a pack of about a dozen wild boars who've apparently broken the barricade built for wild animals surround the hotel perimeter. So That's where the gurgling sounds were coming from.
The watchman told us these wild boars are so ferocious, even the tigers stay away from them. They can kill a person like it's no one's business. All we want now is to crawl back into our bed and cry hoarse to sleep. MUMMMAAAAYYYYY!!! Where have we got stuck now???

The watchman tells us to keep sitting in our chair in the pitch dark so the boars can't spot us while he'll scare them away with a fire torch which he then went back to his office to fetch. All this while we chant Hanuman Chalisa, or the first 4 lines of it, which is all that we recalled.

We wanted adventure, and there it was, right in front of us, waiting to kill us merrily. Thankfully the watchman was agile and came back quickly with a fire torch. He then ran behind the boars, shooing them out of the hotel premises and banging his lathi heavily on the ground. This proved to be effective and within minutes all the boars had disappeared.

We took this as our cue to pack up & go back to our hotel room. Half way across the lawn where we had been sitting, we hear the banging noise return. We now make a quick run to our hotel but lo and behold! the entire pack of wild boars is running right towards us at the speed of a rolling banshee. We're done now, we think to ourselves. Crying and praying to Lord Almighty to save our ass desperately. Luckily for us, the pack leaders find a better route to run away from the watchman and pass us by by about 3 feet. PHEEEWWWWWW!!! We've been saved!!

We finally run to our hotel room quickly, open our rooms with shivering hands, jump into the bed, say quick grace to God and went to bed without further ado.

That day remains etched in my memory as one of the craziest life experiences I've had in my life. With bestie or otherwise. Oh, and it's decided now, come what may, wildlife photography is Not a career choice for us anymore. :P