For My Hubby

Dear Hubby,

In less than a week, we'd be each other's, forever and ever. Does that thought scare you a little bit?

Honestly speaking, it freaks me out some times. You know why?

For years I've put on masks for the world. One for the family, one for friends, one for colleagues, one for my superiors and one for strangers. They've seen one version or the other of me.

For some, I have been a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a neighbor or just a random person walking past. But for you, I'll have to be me. Each and every version of me compressed into one big package of loud, moody, volatile, hot mess.

Some times I wonder, will you be able to handle me? Will you have enough patience? How long will you look past my mistakes? Would you ever lose interest in me? Would you ever stop caring? Would our love be enough?

But it has to be, isn't it? There's no way out now, is there? Ha! Scared yet?

A life partner is your equal. [S]he becomes one half of the whole. Everyone else comes and goes, but your partner is supposed to stick with you till the end.

I may put on an act to be perfect for everyone-a perfect daughter, a perfect daughter-in-law, a perfect sister, a perfect mother but for you, I'd never pretend to be a perfect wife.

I'd have my ups and downs. You'd see me at my lowest and my highest. I'd smile dashingly for the cameras and the family but for you, I won't fake a smile. I'd laugh like a donkey and barf like a monkey. I'd take my frustration out in the room. I'd wet your shirt crying countless times. I'd watch movies that might make you want to kill yourself. I'd sleep with my mouth open, wake up with groggy eyes. You'd see my unwaxed body and bear with my morning breath. There will be all this and more.

I won't ever be perfect because I can never be. I'd be entirely yours, for better or for worse. And you'll give me back the same if not more.

We're two cogs of the same machinery. “To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” And this miracle is called a relationship.

Sweetheart, I'll quote Nicholas Sparks for he might do justice to what I've been trying to tell you all along.  “It's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.”

I'd love everyone with all my heart. But for you, there'd always be more. You'd always get a bigger piece of cake. Possibly, even bigger than for our kids. Because you'd give me that family. You'd give me what's left. You'd stick with me till the end.

I'd devote myself to everyone but not you. I'd be your queen! I'll own you. Just like you'll own me. We'd be imperfect together. Share our strengths and weaknesses.

Dear hubby, fasten your seatbelt for the wildest ride of your life, yet!

Love forever! 3:D

Marriage and Other Insecurities

Indian weddings are peculiar events. The functions are as huge as the size of families, if not more.
Lots of clutter, chaos, confusion, conflict, kinship, courtship and what not goes into making what the world has now deemed it as, "a big fat Indian wedding."

Mine was a traditional affair. I always knew I was going to get into an arranged marriage kind of setup; although some days love marriage felt like an easier, better option. I wanted my parents to take this decision for me. They're smarter, have more insight into me and know exactly what kind of person could keep me happy.

 And so it happened. My parents voyaged through the forest of bachelors, rooted out some weeds, cut through some overhanging branches, crossed rivers & lakes and found a gem for me. A gem called, for lack of a better term, 'my pati'. Well, technically, my fiancé but I like calling him pati more.

And along with pati, came his larger than life family. Just as dramatic, as filmy, as emotional, as fun-loving, as happy-go-lucky as my own family, if not more. Overnight, I was bestowed with an ebullient dad #2, a loving mom #2, a caring baby sis #2, an over-indulgent sis #2, a fun-loving brother-like jiju, a protective dadi #2 and my first ever, a shy dadaji. Add to that a cheerful lil Lhasa and you get the picture, right?

I couldn't have done better is what my parents said. And I couldn't disagree with them. But then there's the word- overnight. If that isn't sudden, I don't know what is. Here I am, coming back from a trip with my recently engaged brother, laughing about how this would be our last solo trip together and Lo & Behold! Now I am engaged myself. Woooooosh! That was fast!

For new readers here's what happened. I met him Friday. Got fixed on Saturday and finally went on my first date Sunday. Stuff, rom-coms are made of, isn't it?

For those that know me, know I am  used to be a commitment phobic person. I was/am will always be a tomboy at heart. I've always lived a single life and happily so. Never wanted-never needed a person to tell me what to do. I've always been a free-thinker, feminist, pro-freedom, pro-singlehood, anti-relationship, strong-hearted, hot-headed person.. All of which changed overnight.

All of a sudden, I was thrown into this deep pool of cheese called emotions and sentiments with bite sized portions of intimacy, affection, feelings and insecurities. It made for a proper fondue 3-Michelin star hotels would have been proud to keep in their menu.

As I was recovering from this shock of having been hooked up after a lifetime of independence, I was told my wedding date's been fixed 2.5 months down the line. That's not even a quarter of an year!!

Now, well-wishers would say 'you don't need much time to know another person', but in saying so, they would have completely missed the point about needing time to know a new side of me. A side no-one has ever seen, especially myself.

Who am I in a relationship? Whom do I turn into in a love affair? Am I a loving person or an insecure person or a confident lover or a sad puppy or an inconsiderate jerk or a doting wife or a doleful fiance?

I took some of these worries to my fiance. Actually, that would be an understatement. I freaked out on my fiance with a storm of questions and queries. Cried my eyes out in the privacy of my room. Scared my family and had my friends worried crazy. My calm, patient and ever-composed pati told me he'd give me space, he'd let me be, he'd support me in my decisions and give me as much time as I want.

Now that was some weight off my chest but his one statement still keeps me up some times as night. He said, "let's explore each other," which is another can of worms I rather not open. Intimacy and body image issues anyone?

My bonding with him grew and I became more confident of my decision in marrying him in the weeks that followed. We had a slight period of separation which only made us feel stronger for each other. I realized I might have minded PDA when other people did it but I couldn't care less of public when I indulged in it myself. My touches became more intimate; my words became more personal; my tone became gentler; my anger lost a lot of heat.

Due to his love, I became self-assured. Instead of turning into a small-minded, jealous girlfriend, I became an assertive and proud lover. I may not have the body of a model, but I've got the personality of a rock star. That's good enough for me so it should be enough for others too. In other words, I've never been more in love with myself.

One would think I am well sorted but that couldn't be further from the truth. There are still many hurdles to cross. This last one being the toughest ever. My family. Leaving it behind.

How do I make myself do that? How do I detach myself from the people I've been with since I entered this world? This family? This lifestyle? My home? The people who made me who I am. My parents, my brother, my relatives? How do I live without them?

The faces that my day starts and ends with? How do I digest the fact that shortly, there will be a time when I'd wake up in a different bed in a different room of a different house and look at different faces? People I've so far met once or twice a week for a couple of hours, shortly, I'd be devoting all my life to; my lifetime to.

Soon, my priorities will change, my responsibilities and my loyalties will change. I'll become a visitor to my own home, a guest to my own parents, a caller to my very cousins. How do I come to accept that? Why should I accept that?

Does a new beginning necessarily have to mean the end of an old phase? Doesn't time work in a continuum? Does marriage have to mean rebirth? Can't it just be a new chapter in the same book called life? Why should it mean replacement and not addition? Can't I keep the best of both worlds?
Can I not retain the good things of my single-hood and incorporate them into my married life? Do I have to choose between this and that?

Who made these pathetic rules about marriage? Well, I am challenging them now. I'd make it my mission to prove to everyone that I can continue to give great importance to my new parents without kicking my old ones out of the priority list. And if ever I stagger on my path, I am sure my pati would stand right behind me, hold me tight and tell me to carry on with my head held high.

Marriage isn't, shouldn't and wouldn't be an end of my old life, so it just has to mean a new turn.

The Moral Dilemma of Lord Rama

Shardiye Navratri are upon us again this year. A nine day fest of fasting, dancing, melas and poojas at the end of which is Vijaydashmi or Dusshera, the day when effigies of Ravana are burnt to ashes throughout a major part of North India.

Navratri is celebrated by Hindus across the world as nine nights of worship of Shakti or Devi. These Navratri are also relevant to Ramayan because Lord Ram and his army worshipped Goddess Durga for nine days and then attacked Lanka on the tenth day, in a battle to win his wife, Sita back who had been taken hostage by Ravana.

Ravana kidnapped Sita as revenge against Lord Rama and Laxman who had not only cut off his sister Srupnakha's nose but also killed two of his brothers Khara and Dushana.

Everyone who knows Hindu mythology knows what happened next. Rama and Laxman went on a lookout for Sita and made allies along the way and finally brought her back home by defeating Ravana in a battle at Lanka.

Now this is the point that I've always had great trouble digesting. What happened after Sita came back home, the trio successfully completed its 14-year long exile, got back to their kingdom and restored Lord Rama's position as the king of Ayodhya.

Once Sita approached Rama, he refused to accept him as he doubted the purity of her mind, soul and body after living an year in the palace of Ravana. To prove her innocence, Sita jumped into fire out of which she arose unharmed. The world now knew Sita was spotless and belonged thoroughly not to anyone else but Ram. Why did he do it? It was to prove to the world that Sita was pure.

No matter what she'd have done or where she'd have gone, she would always have been the topic of gossip among everyone. People would have muttered in closed quarters of her scandalous (albeit non-existent) affair with Ravan. Rama wanted the world to know of her innocence. It was especially important since she was a king's wife. And not just any king but the mighty king of Suryavansham clan.

Ramayan is as old as 4th century BCE. Even today, family name is above all. Many villages in Haryana, Rajasthan, UP, Punjab etc. go as far as to kill their family members who seem to have breached the family honor (doesn't mean it is right though). Imagine how strong this honor would have been, so many centuries before us.

We have learnt to respect our elders, obey our parents and uphold our family name and reputation in society. Even the most rebellious of child draws the line somewhere.

Now let us come back to Lord Rama. Whenever we talk about righteousness, duty and selflessness, Lord Rama's example flashes red beacons. He was the righteous king, an ideal for every ruler/leader. And whenever his name comes up, I am the first one to criticize him for his treatment of his wife.

In fact, only recently had I been debating Rama's goodness over Ravana's projected evil. Who was really good and who had been a bad person? I have also been known to say things like I would rather have Ravana as my husband, who cared more about his family than his kingdom.

But today, as I had been watching a Ramayan enactment at a famous Ramlila mela, I had something of an epiphany. I started drawing lines between us and Them. Us common people and them, the mighty rulers, the heavily worshipped gods.

Bound by family honor and duty towards its people, which king/ruler/leader would have done anything different to what those people did?

Everyone is a puppet at the hands of fate. Everyone plays their part in the bigger scheme of events. Instead of questioning Why they did what they did, this time I questioned What they could have done differently. Was there a way out?

• Kaikai had been as happy as Kaushalya when she came to know of Lord Rama's succession to the throne of Ayodhya. It was only when her jealousy was aroused by Manthara that she asked Dasharatha to fulfill his 2 remaining boons which he had earlier promised to her. Who among us wouldn't do that for ous sons and daughters? Don't we all want our children to be at the top? Won't we, by hook or by crook make it possible if the opportunity persists? I do wish she hadn't listened to a maid though. But I think we only do what we want to do, deep inside, facilitated by external factors.

• Dasharatha, a Suryavamshi king, the first ruler dynasty of humans according to Hindu mythology, was bound by his promise to Kaikai. Not only had he given to boons to Kaikai but he had also taken an oath upon his beloved son Rama to fulfill whatever his wife wishes to ask of him. A man of his word and a king of a tradition most aptly known by the saying, "Raghukul reeti sada chali aayi, praan jaye par wachan na jaye." What choices did he have? To destroy his clan's good name? Look at it this way, if tomorrow we find of Akhilesh Yadav had been caught in a scandal, would we not expect Mulayam Singh Yadav to take strict actions against him? If the father protects his son, would we ever trust his leadership? Would we vote for his party ever again? What choice would Mulayam have- to uphold the trust he has built or loose his goodwill at the cost of his son? How could Dasharatha have broken his promise?

• Now let's come to his son Rama. He was the rightful owner of the throne. He had sky-high expectations to live up to. He was the son of a king who lost his life but did not take his words back. His kingdom had waited 14 years for him to return. How could he have let all of this go in vain? Due to public outcry and demand, he had no other option but to banish his wife from their kingdom after she had lived a couple of years with him in the palace. Parents are the first teachers of children. They set an ideal. They teach kids how life is to be led. A doctor's child aims to become a doctor, they say. Rama's father grieved to death for his son but never called him back till the end. Ram had to follow in his footsteps and he did, despite his love for Sita.

Could there have been a different ending to Ramayan? Perhaps. But these were mere humans, at least I believe so. These were great rulers, incredible warriors and humans with the purest of hearts. So pure that people started worshipping them as Gods.

Was it really their fault they made mistakes? Don't we all? So why the double standard? Why do we judge them so harshly? Is it because we're jealous of their popularity? Isn't it human nature to criticize anything that is superior to us? Maybe we feel that these people weren't so great. Maybe we just like to diss religion. Whatever the reason, we must Always try to step into another person's shoes and walk a mile before questioning their virtue.

Rama really was great. I don't think I could ever be as good a child to my parents as he was to his or as strong a leader as he was to his pack. Rama is Lord Rama for a valid reason. The stories of Ramayana, Mahabharata etc. are for people to learn from others' mistakes and we should pay them more attention before jumping to conclusions.

One Crazy Night with my Best Friend

My best friend and I have had some really epic crazy days in our life. Days new age directors would love to make a movie out of.

However, of all the supremely crazy antics my best friend and I have thrown, this one takes the cake; for the total 'unbelievable' factor that it entails.

On December 25th 2010, my best friend, Sonakshi, along with my family and I made a trip to Jim Corbett National Park. The hotel that we reside there at is an eco-friendly hotel built at the border of the jungle where you can go for nature walks and other such adventure activities.

Being photography enthusiasts, after everyone fell asleep that night, we decided to shoot star-trails. Basically, long exposure night sky shot which results in long trails of the stars. It was out first attempt and we were more or less unprepared for what was to follow.

Around 1 o clock at night, the temperature suddenly dropped really low. It was about -2 degrees Celsius according to my cellphone. We were wearing single jackets since we hadn't contemplated this temperature drop which is normal for winter nights, nor were we aware that we'd have to spend at least an hour on a single image before seeing our results.

Since we didn't have an automatic trigger to stretch exposure time, we taped 2 pebbles on top of our click button to hold it down for exposure time.

It was jet black since the eco-friendly hotel believed in keeping things the way nature intended it. All of a sudden we hear strange gurgling noises. We freak out and jump up on our plastic chairs. What could it be?? We were too afraid to find out in case it was a ghost (bestie's suggestion). At this point, I was on the verge of fainting since I am not made for cold weathers and was miles beyond my comfort zone.
Suddenly we hear a loud cracking sound and Sonakshi made a low yelp swearing under her breath. We didn't know what to do and where to go and we were too afraid to move from our position. From behind us we hear whispers of a man, "what is happening here?" BY God ki Kasam we screamed better than what you hear in those B-grade horror movies. Sonakshi jumped out of the chair and began to run in the dark and when the dark figure caught her by the jacket and made her to halt.

The dark figure now lights up the torch and tells us hurriedly, "I am a watchman here. You girls are in grave danger, don't move a step!" We didn't know whether to sigh in relief or cry in horror. My best friend broke into a nervous laughter and was immediately shushed by the watchman.

He then points his torch on the ground about 8-10 feet away from us and we finally understand what he meant. There's a pack of about a dozen wild boars who've apparently broken the barricade built for wild animals surround the hotel perimeter. So That's where the gurgling sounds were coming from.
The watchman told us these wild boars are so ferocious, even the tigers stay away from them. They can kill a person like it's no one's business. All we want now is to crawl back into our bed and cry hoarse to sleep. MUMMMAAAAYYYYY!!! Where have we got stuck now???

The watchman tells us to keep sitting in our chair in the pitch dark so the boars can't spot us while he'll scare them away with a fire torch which he then went back to his office to fetch. All this while we chant Hanuman Chalisa, or the first 4 lines of it, which is all that we recalled.

We wanted adventure, and there it was, right in front of us, waiting to kill us merrily. Thankfully the watchman was agile and came back quickly with a fire torch. He then ran behind the boars, shooing them out of the hotel premises and banging his lathi heavily on the ground. This proved to be effective and within minutes all the boars had disappeared.

We took this as our cue to pack up & go back to our hotel room. Half way across the lawn where we had been sitting, we hear the banging noise return. We now make a quick run to our hotel but lo and behold! the entire pack of wild boars is running right towards us at the speed of a rolling banshee. We're done now, we think to ourselves. Crying and praying to Lord Almighty to save our ass desperately. Luckily for us, the pack leaders find a better route to run away from the watchman and pass us by by about 3 feet. PHEEEWWWWWW!!! We've been saved!!

We finally run to our hotel room quickly, open our rooms with shivering hands, jump into the bed, say quick grace to God and went to bed without further ado.

That day remains etched in my memory as one of the craziest life experiences I've had in my life. With bestie or otherwise. Oh, and it's decided now, come what may, wildlife photography is Not a career choice for us anymore. :P

Nuts 'R' Us!

All my life I was told to avoid dry fruits and nuts as they are high in calories.

And so I did. I avoided these delicious nuts.

I had to learn self control to stop myself from eating more than 10 almonds a day even though they were one of my favorites.

I was told they cause the body temperature to rise beyond normal levels which is why they shouldn't be consumed in summers. Another was cashew nuts and walnuts causes severe weight gain, raisins will give me diabetes and pistachios can cause high blood pressure.

I always lived in great fear around these nuts. I feared I am going to over-eat and kill myself. I questioned why markets would sell these harmful products to consumers and that too at such high prices. I even intended to launch a campaign against nut-eating when I grow up.

Err...ok I exaggerated there a little bit.

Any way, it wasn't till this summer that I opened my mind to the tiny marvels of nature. I hadn't realized the significance of nuts till I threw myself into conscious diet control. It's like dieting of the smart people. You figure out the health benefits of different food items and decide on Do's and Dont's of eating.

I turned vegetarian at the age of 8 when I saw live animal slaughter at the butcher's shop across the street from our old house. I saw him skin the hens and goats and even a pig once. Or I believe it was a pig, you have to understand I was 8.

I don't care for the fight of superiority between vegetarians and non-vegetarians. My belief is simply that I am superior to all. Ok sorry!

Moving on, it's a widely known belief that vegetarians lack good amount of protein in their diet since they don't feed on animal protein. Here's a mythbuster on vegetarians and proteins for those that are considering turning a vegetarian.

Regardless, nuts and seeds are one of the most valuable source of proteins. They are also, contrary to popular belief, very helpful in weight loss, increase metabolism, provide antioxidants and beneficial to fight other health diseases.

Nuts in a nutshell:

Most popular nuts in Indian households and their health benefits.

Raisins- excellent source of energy, effective in reducing acidity, minimization of other problems such as boils, skin diseases, arthritis, gout, hair loss, heart diseases, tumours and cancer, reduce the risk of anemia, speed up the process of healing after an injury, preventing and curing fever by fighting viral and bacterial infections, protect the eyes from damage, stimulate libido and induce arousal, preventing osteoporosis induced by menopause in women, promoting good dental health.

Almonds- improve brain development, maintain levels of cholesterol in the body, prevent heart attack and stroke, enhancing the complexion of the skin, preventing the risk of colon cancer, regulating the blood pressure levels, protection against diabetes, reduce excess kilos, maintain proper digestive system.

Cashews- reduce the risk of health diseases, help in inhibiting the aging process, maintaining strong muscles and bones in the body, have good effects on weight management, boosting energy and maintaining a greater flexibility in blood vessels, bones and joints, have a lower fat content than other nuts, helpful for diabetic patients, beneficial for preventing coronary artery disease, promote body building.

Walnuts- help maintain proper blood composition, improving the ratio of good and bad cholesterol, preventing cholesterol from turning into plaque, effective in preventing heart attacks, assist in decreasing abdominal adiposity, immense benefits to the brain, reducing the risk of chronic inflammation, can prevent prostrate and breast cancer, helpful in the treatment of type 2 diabetes, protecting bone health, effective in curing conditions like rheumatoid arthritis, asthma, psoriasis and eczema.

Pistachio- rich source of energy, excellent source of antioxidants, maintain cholesterol levels within the blood, help prevent coronary artery disease and strokes, protect the body from diseases, cancers, as well as infections, help keep skin well protected from dryness.

Now the question arises, how many nuts should we eat in a day to avoid weight gain? Most dietitians suggest we should eat a handful of assorted nuts per day to stay healthy. This would be approximately 30g. Since I am not good with measurements and numbers so I just gallop about 10 almonds, 5 walnuts and 5 cashews a day. What can I say? I've big palms.

We all follow different diet plans. Mine is an easy-going, eat what you like in moderation, less on salts and spices, low sugar, caffeine and poultry-free diet which obviously isn't perfect, just like my size.

Any way, the point is, whatever diet plan you follow, do introduce a number of nuts in them for a better outcome and a healthier body. They're any day better than baked chips and roasted biscuits.

Of Life, Death & Photographs

A photograph of my paternal grandmother (center) with her family.

Some thing more valuable than life itself is its record. While visual recreates the scene, written word adds insight to it.

Photographs lie, paint a false picture but this constructed reality is what we choose over our own memories which are fantastical themselves.

These photographs, they erode, just like our memories but they provide a visual proof of what was, thereby immortalizing a moment of your life.

Therefore Life is fleeting, but photographs are forever.

We all want to be remembered but we're mere immortals like footprints on sand. No matter how deep the imprint, it will wash off eventually.

Marvels of imagery are stranger to no-one which is why there is a boost of new imaging technology in the market today.

Photographs are also tools to acquaint current generation to the past for a myriad of reasons.

Nobody understand the importance of photographs than those who have lost their loved ones.

Where visual ends, written word picks up. Reading an account of past lives by means of biographies or auto-biographies binds the story together. It fills onto the missing details in a photograph. You read the why, where and how which is always amiss in the 'what' of photographs.

Humans have time and again made efforts to bust the mysticism of death but no matter how many tools you device, the mystery prevails. That is majorly because of the fact that death comes so suddenly to one and also because you can never know a person inside out. For that to happen, you need to first know how one's brain works and that no scientist has been able to figure out so far.

My grandfather passed away long before my father got married. All I have of him is one life size framed portrait in the dining room.

I have heard amazing accounts of my family about the kind of jolly person he was but I just cannot relate to any of the stories with that sombre, uninterested face in the portrait. I wish we had more pictures of him, in his element, laughing, cracking jokes, working and partying.

My maternal grandfather, on the other hand, passed away earlier this year. He was a man of less words who strongly depended on his easel to put his feelings across. He was a painter who loved to sketch our faces on big canvases and paint landscapes. As a kid, I was very close to him but we drifted apart as I grew up. There was no specific reason except my grandmother was more affectionate and vocal and being of the same gender I connected with her more.

Nonetheless, he loved to know the details about my life, what I study, what have I recently learnt, what books I read, what interesting tidbits of information I had to share with him and that is all our conversations revolved around, whenever we met.

Now that he is gone, I can only remember my childhood with him and feel sorrier for the loss of his wife and family. He, like my own father, loved to take pictures and owned camera in a time few others did. Last year I scanned some old pictures of my grandparents for a college project and I was blown away by the content. These were photos of their honeymoon, their holidays in Kashmir, the soirees that they threw etc. The man I saw in the pictures was livelier and louder than the subdued man that I had come to know him as.

That void, created after his death, will always be with his wife and family but they have the souvenir of his glorious life to always remember him by. Although, no matter how many photographs you collect, they cannot replace the absence of the lost one.

At the end of the day, memories are infinitesimal but photographs and pages of a memoir are numbered.

And yet they are our real treasure because no matter how misleading they are, photographs freeze a moment when we're happy. The diaries that we maintain, our first person account of life in the day, help our loved ones understand us that much more than their interpretation of the kind of person we are.

This memorabilia, in my opinion shall always be cherished and taken care of, for long after we are gone, we shall be remembered by what we have recorded of ourselves; Not our failures, but the proof of our victories that we choose to capture in timeless little pieces of print.

My Mom's Tumor

As kids we barely realize the importance of any event, be it happy or sad.

Life changed drastically as we were growing up, in my family. We went through many ups and downs as any other family would. Amongst many downs, one was my mom's tumor.

I was in 4th grade when we took a trip to Vaishno Devi (pilgrimage center for Hindus). Nobody could have imagines what happened next.

During the trip, my mother fell so sick she couldn't even stand straight, let alone trek, without howling miserably.

I don't remember much of the trip except that there was news of 2 planes colliding mid-air during take-off and landing, respectively. I know, nothing relevant to my mother's condition.

Funny what we choose to remember and forget..

Back home my mum was diagnosed with tumor in the backbone; how big or small I know not.

Our parents did not divulge the severity of her condition which is why I resort to eavesdropping on my father consulting with his brother on what the doctor had said- This would be the third operation of its kind in his professional career with a 95% chance of her survival and further 2% of her being paralyzed from waist down for the rest of her life, giving her a 3% window of hope. My father decided it was good enough for him to take a shot.

I don't get a knot in my throat telling this story to anyone as it seems mythological to me, a fairytale grandmothers tell their grandchildren while putting them to sleep. As a kid I sure would have been tormented by this piece of information but I don't recollect any of it.

On the day of her 14-hour long operation, I had my English unit test and I cried through most of it. I remember that my dad spend all his nights in the hospital and that my uncle was distant to us.

By God's will, her operation was successful and she started walking in about a month's time. Her doctor called it a miracle as it was supposed to take over 4 months to even get her to stand on her own.

My mother tells us how my dad made her walk even as she was on the verge of passing out, by reminding her of her kids; she drew her strength from her husband and endurance from the desire to come back to her kids.

Maybe some day I'll ask her to pen down her own story since I am incapable of even imagining how she must have felt.

I always told this tale with pride, about the trail of 876 stitches on her back, her courage that brought her back to us and my father's love and will to fight against all odds and ends.

But what I always left out was the fear, the dread that I had almost lost my parents. What if she had not made it back? What emotional and mental turmoil my father went through while signing that consent form? Her own pain, both physical and emotional, her parents' that could have easily lost their daughter?

This acknowledgement hit me recently while watching a medical drama on TV based on a similar case.

When the husband discovers his wife may have stage 2 tumor...that terror slapped so hard on my face. I suddenly realized that my mom, her life, her rebirth, was nothing short of a miracle of God.

And yet my mom never acted a victim, she never tried to gain sympathy. She doesn't consider herself a brave warrior, just a loving mother that wanted to see her kids grow, a wife that couldn't abandon her husband so, a daughter that had parents to come home to.

I now have a newfound respect for my mother. Her jovial nature has brought light to so many people's dark days and yet whose own life has been compromised in ways more than one.

I couldn't be prouder of this woman, that has taught me how to live and fight for your life and still be humble yet keep your pride.