Of Life, Death & Photographs

A photograph of my paternal grandmother (center) with her family.

Some thing more valuable than life itself is its record. While visual recreates the scene, written word adds insight to it.

Photographs lie, paint a false picture but this constructed reality is what we choose over our own memories which are fantastical themselves.

These photographs, they erode, just like our memories but they provide a visual proof of what was, thereby immortalizing a moment of your life.

Therefore Life is fleeting, but photographs are forever.

We all want to be remembered but we're mere immortals like footprints on sand. No matter how deep the imprint, it will wash off eventually.

Marvels of imagery are stranger to no-one which is why there is a boost of new imaging technology in the market today.

Photographs are also tools to acquaint current generation to the past for a myriad of reasons.

Nobody understand the importance of photographs than those who have lost their loved ones.

Where visual ends, written word picks up. Reading an account of past lives by means of biographies or auto-biographies binds the story together. It fills onto the missing details in a photograph. You read the why, where and how which is always amiss in the 'what' of photographs.

Humans have time and again made efforts to bust the mysticism of death but no matter how many tools you device, the mystery prevails. That is majorly because of the fact that death comes so suddenly to one and also because you can never know a person inside out. For that to happen, you need to first know how one's brain works and that no scientist has been able to figure out so far.

My grandfather passed away long before my father got married. All I have of him is one life size framed portrait in the dining room.

I have heard amazing accounts of my family about the kind of jolly person he was but I just cannot relate to any of the stories with that sombre, uninterested face in the portrait. I wish we had more pictures of him, in his element, laughing, cracking jokes, working and partying.

My maternal grandfather, on the other hand, passed away earlier this year. He was a man of less words who strongly depended on his easel to put his feelings across. He was a painter who loved to sketch our faces on big canvases and paint landscapes. As a kid, I was very close to him but we drifted apart as I grew up. There was no specific reason except my grandmother was more affectionate and vocal and being of the same gender I connected with her more.

Nonetheless, he loved to know the details about my life, what I study, what have I recently learnt, what books I read, what interesting tidbits of information I had to share with him and that is all our conversations revolved around, whenever we met.

Now that he is gone, I can only remember my childhood with him and feel sorrier for the loss of his wife and family. He, like my own father, loved to take pictures and owned camera in a time few others did. Last year I scanned some old pictures of my grandparents for a college project and I was blown away by the content. These were photos of their honeymoon, their holidays in Kashmir, the soirees that they threw etc. The man I saw in the pictures was livelier and louder than the subdued man that I had come to know him as.

That void, created after his death, will always be with his wife and family but they have the souvenir of his glorious life to always remember him by. Although, no matter how many photographs you collect, they cannot replace the absence of the lost one.

At the end of the day, memories are infinitesimal but photographs and pages of a memoir are numbered.

And yet they are our real treasure because no matter how misleading they are, photographs freeze a moment when we're happy. The diaries that we maintain, our first person account of life in the day, help our loved ones understand us that much more than their interpretation of the kind of person we are.

This memorabilia, in my opinion shall always be cherished and taken care of, for long after we are gone, we shall be remembered by what we have recorded of ourselves; Not our failures, but the proof of our victories that we choose to capture in timeless little pieces of print.

My Mom's Tumor

As kids we barely realize the importance of any event, be it happy or sad.

Life changed drastically as we were growing up, in my family. We went through many ups and downs as any other family would. Amongst many downs, one was my mom's tumor.

I was in 4th grade when we took a trip to Vaishno Devi (pilgrimage center for Hindus). Nobody could have imagines what happened next.

During the trip, my mother fell so sick she couldn't even stand straight, let alone trek, without howling miserably.

I don't remember much of the trip except that there was news of 2 planes colliding mid-air during take-off and landing, respectively. I know, nothing relevant to my mother's condition.

Funny what we choose to remember and forget..

Back home my mum was diagnosed with tumor in the backbone; how big or small I know not.

Our parents did not divulge the severity of her condition which is why I resort to eavesdropping on my father consulting with his brother on what the doctor had said- This would be the third operation of its kind in his professional career with a 95% chance of her survival and further 2% of her being paralyzed from waist down for the rest of her life, giving her a 3% window of hope. My father decided it was good enough for him to take a shot.

I don't get a knot in my throat telling this story to anyone as it seems mythological to me, a fairytale grandmothers tell their grandchildren while putting them to sleep. As a kid I sure would have been tormented by this piece of information but I don't recollect any of it.

On the day of her 14-hour long operation, I had my English unit test and I cried through most of it. I remember that my dad spend all his nights in the hospital and that my uncle was distant to us.

By God's will, her operation was successful and she started walking in about a month's time. Her doctor called it a miracle as it was supposed to take over 4 months to even get her to stand on her own.

My mother tells us how my dad made her walk even as she was on the verge of passing out, by reminding her of her kids; she drew her strength from her husband and endurance from the desire to come back to her kids.

Maybe some day I'll ask her to pen down her own story since I am incapable of even imagining how she must have felt.

I always told this tale with pride, about the trail of 876 stitches on her back, her courage that brought her back to us and my father's love and will to fight against all odds and ends.

But what I always left out was the fear, the dread that I had almost lost my parents. What if she had not made it back? What emotional and mental turmoil my father went through while signing that consent form? Her own pain, both physical and emotional, her parents' that could have easily lost their daughter?

This acknowledgement hit me recently while watching a medical drama on TV based on a similar case.

When the husband discovers his wife may have stage 2 tumor...that terror slapped so hard on my face. I suddenly realized that my mom, her life, her rebirth, was nothing short of a miracle of God.

And yet my mom never acted a victim, she never tried to gain sympathy. She doesn't consider herself a brave warrior, just a loving mother that wanted to see her kids grow, a wife that couldn't abandon her husband so, a daughter that had parents to come home to.

I now have a newfound respect for my mother. Her jovial nature has brought light to so many people's dark days and yet whose own life has been compromised in ways more than one.

I couldn't be prouder of this woman, that has taught me how to live and fight for your life and still be humble yet keep your pride.

Cherries, Berries and Plums

While writing my last post, I hadn't expected so many people to be interested in it. Felt good to be able to do something good for others. I've always professed good health amongst my people and thought I should share it with others too. So it feels great to have people try these healthy, real fruit goodness instead of processed drinks to beat the heat.

In this post, I bring more juices that I discovered recently, using more commonly available summer fruits- Red cherries, strawberries and plums.

Cherries:

Two main species of cherry fruit cultivated worldwide are wild or sweet cherry and sour or tart cherry. Both the species are low calorie, rich in pigment and anti-oxidants like meltonin, beta-carotene, flavonoid, contain high mineral and vitamin content.

Cherry juice helps relieve the pain and inflammation of arthritis, gout, back pain, muscle pain and sport-related injuries. The fruit contains anti-inflammatory anthocyanins that may provide protection from colon cancer, heart attack and stroke besides promoting good health and regulating blood pressure.

Tart cherry juice concentrate is available at health stores in form of capsules as well.

Strawberries:

Everybody knows strawberry is tasty but few realize that it is in fact, a nutritional powerhouse. It has been ranked 27th best amongst all US foods and the 4th best amongst all fruits, in terms of its antioxidant capacity. It is amongst the top 50 antioxidant sources.

The fruit is again low-calorie, very high Vitamin C content, rich in manganese, dietary fiber, omega 3 fatty acids and has zero cholesterol. Strawberry also has high content of phytonutrients like flavonols, anthocyanins, phenolic acid etc.

Strawberry juice is effective in treating liver disorders like hepatitis and cirrhosis (consumed on empty stomach), by renewing liver cells and tissues. It can also relieve skin diseases like acne and psoriasis and also detoxifies the body. In summers, it can prevent heat prostration by eliminating fatigue.

Plums:

Plums (Hindi name: Aalubukhara) belong to the family of cherries. There are thousands of species of plums available in all shapes, colours and sizes.

Plums are also low calorie and are very good source of vitamin C. They are also a good source of vitamin A, vitamin K, potassium, minerals like iron and potassium, dietary fiber and anti-oxidants like phenols.

Plums help regulate the functioning of the digestive system and thereby used in constipation conditions; develop resistance against infectious agents, counter inflammation, protect from lung and oral cavity cancers and help controlling heart rate and blood pressure.

Few years back, I had this amazingly delicious and addictive strawberry juice at a roadside stall in Thailand which I never found since. While discussing healthy juicing with my grandmother, when I mentioned this, she suggested a recipe that might have been used in preparing that strawberry juice. I went ahead and tried it on all three of the abovementioned fruits by adding little touches of my own. The outcome was Lip-smacking!

Recipe:

Put 5-6 plums in a pan and fill it with enough drinking water to cover the top of the fruits. Bring water to a boil, let it cool off then gently peel the skin off and mash the plums with a spoon or by hands. Sieve the liquid in another pan till all the juice has been extracted and heat it again by adding sugar, salt or black salt (to your taste) then put it in the freezer for cooling. That's it!

Optional: I also added 2-3  mint leaves (pudina) and few fennel seeds while heating. 

*I used the same recipe with cherries and strawberries too with few exceptions.

• You'd need to increase the count of these two fruits as they are smaller than plums.
• Before adding sugar, salt, lime juice or any such thing, do taste first to see how you like it.

Although you can use this recipe for making strawberry juice, another easier and quicker method is:

Slice strawberries and blend with cold water, sugar, lime juice, salt; strain and serve. :D


Enjoy the summers! 

Lesser known Summer Fruits

Summers is one of my most beloved season, regardless of all the heat, dust, tan and grime it brings. Mainly because of the airy clothes that provide freedom of movement unlike winters and the fruits and coolers that we get to enjoy throughout the season.


The fruits I am going to talk about in this post are the much elusive phalsa fruit and bael fruit. They're not as such lesser known but they are less popular. Who can blame you when you've got fruits like mangoes, melons and peaches in front of you?


Phalsa fruit's botanic name is Grewia Asiatica. Its purple in colour and tangy-sweet in taste. The fruit is native to the South Asian subcontinent and in the market for just a month.
Phalsa fruit juice contains magnesium, iron, potassium, calcium, carbohydrates and vitamins A and C. The anthocyanin flavonoids it contains are thought to be protective against cancer.
The fruit is said to prevent respiratory problems like cough-cold, purify blood, regulates cholesterol levels and blood pressure and can even treat sunburn.


Coming to the bael fruit, it has lot of common English/Indian names like wood apple, holy apple, elephant apple, monkey fruit etc.
It is again, native to India and most common in the South Asian subcontinent. It is called wood apple for its hard shell with gooey pulp on the inside and has an exotic slightly sweet, nutty taste.
A good source of beta-carotene, thiamine, riboflavin, vitamin C, fibers, iron, phosphorus, carbohydrates and proteins.
This fruit can cure respiratory infections like cough-cold and asthma; scurvy, peptic ulcer, piles, diarrhea, good for kidney patients and diabetics and a great energy booster.


There are different ways these fruits can be consumed but I am going to talk about juicing them because that is perfect for these long hot Indian summers and because that is what I do, and trust me, if I can do it, Anyone can do it. Basically because I am not much of a cook.


Phalsa juice:
Wash phalsa fruits in a metal sieve and add to the juicer/blender along with enough water to cover the top of the fruits. Mash them and sieve in a bowl till you get all the juice. You can add more or less water according to the consistency or thickness of the drink you like. Add black salt, sugar (to your taste) and done. Ta Da!


Bael juice:
Similar steps are to be followed for this juice. Because the shell is hard, pound it against the floor like you would, to break a coconut, take all the pulp out in a bowl. It is your choice to pick the seeds out or let it be. Add water and blend till it is thick and pulpy. Sieve with more water. Add sugar, black salt, rock salt as per your taste and Voila! 


Easy enough, no? As with any other fruit/eatable, over-consumption should be prevented. Special mention for the bael fruit. It can cause abortion so expecting moms shouldn't drink it without consulting with their doctors.


For doubt, queries, questions, please Google further (:P) or leave a comment or tweet and I'll help. Also, if you know cooler ways or fruits/vegetables to be had this summer, ping me. You know how much I love em. Happy Summers!

Don't whine, go fight!

So, I had a terrible day today and was upset for most part of it. I lost a wonderful opportunity to go to Kashmir for 10 days to work on a documentary. I was to make my own audio-visual presentation on entrepreneurs in the valley and was super excited to be a part of this project but my father did not allow me to go.

This is not the first time I have had to miss an opportunity but it is worse than usual because people who know me Know traveling to Kashmir was a dream of mine.

I was miserable about losing this golden ticket.. still am. And then it hit me, a revelation.

I realized, this is My life, the universe or my family doesn't get to decide what I should or shouldn't do with it. I would not defy my father's order but I sure can find More opportunities of this sort.

I've got a long life ahead of me, and its unpredictable. Thinking I would never get a chance like this is a mistake.

If you passionately want something in life, you fight for it. You Make circumstances for yourself. Don't wait for fate or this universe or God, whatever. Your life is in your hands and you are its sole master.

I may have missed this chance but I sure as hell am not gonna cry anymore. This life would bring me more opportunities like this and it if doesn't I will find them for myself.

If you love something, don't let it go. Humanity taught me this much-this world is for you to conquer.

Good luck with your dreams!

A Hero will save us!

The teachings that we receive in our childhood shape who we are. Nothing new in what I am saying.

Any basic religious philosophy talks about salvation- or redemption from death, punishment and oppression. I am not wording it correctly but it is something like God is at the helm of this ship sailing in the abysmal ocean of death and despair. Only he can take us to the other side, redeem us from this world, this life.

Now, I've always had my faith in God. Its just that, teachings like this eventually turn people into passive-activists. Whenever a problem arises in our life, instead of solving it, we wait for a divine intervention to happen or to the very least, hope for it.

We would never stand up and confront our issues, we just sit and wait for someone else to take the first step. Be it a fight with your friends, or issues with your boss or a corrupt Government.

Not just religion but all these super-hero movies and magazines, we all are fed fairytales throughout our lives. Its funny that guys laugh at women who believe in fairytales and when they themselves believe in heros.

This way, not only do we procrastinate, ignore or avoid a dispute, we also undermine our ability to resolve it. Everyone of us including me are waiting for a hero to come save us. Somebody much stronger than us, able to take on the whole world and help us in despair. This where the basis of all problems is.

I say, If you want to achieve something in life, you Have to work for it. Don't wait for a divine intervention. There's only one intervention and that comes from within.

When you say I am done with my situation, I've Got to do something about it, Thats where you initiate a revolution. 

We need to stand up and take an action, we need to take responsibility, give our thoughts and opinions a voice. Stop sulking within yourself. Don't wait for people to help you.

We are our own heroes and if we want to succeed in life we have to work for it.

Rape in the City

The topic of sex is quite sensitive for me so I'll try to cover it as best as can.

Lately, my timeline has become a battleground of the cities. Delhi versus other metros to be precise.

People have been bashing Delhi for being the rape capital of the country and having the highest rate of crime against women and children.

What concerns me the most is that regardless of a city number of registered rape cases, women all over the world suffer from the hate-crime that is forced sex. Be it sexually liberated countries of the West or sexually oppressed countries of the East, women are prone to sexual slavery of forms.

Coming back to India, is there a foolproof way to curb this problem? I don't think so. In a hugely diverse country like ours how can a uniform solution of Any problem be the savior?

Some methods that come to my mind are:

• Buying sex toys in India is illegal. I wonder why the Government would have a problem with experimentation in sex but not with sexually explicit songs and videos like Sheila ki Jawani and Tinku Jiya. I mean seriously, you allow a kid to enter theaters and be witness to such obscenity and then expect them to grow up to respect women and value sex? This treatment of women as sexual objects in the mainstream media causes more harm than we care to take account of. Opening up of sex stores near the NCR would be an interesting social experiment. I don't suggest selling hardcore stuff for BDSM though. Just some blow up dolls et al. India suffers from sexual desperation. Wouldn't it help if we take the desperation out a little bit?

• Sex education shouldn't be imparted at an early age as it can corrupt young minds. Let kids believe in Santas and storks for a little longer. Kids today are more aware of this topic than we realize. It would be silly to wait for long but we can at least wait till they're pre-pubertal, i.e. 10-11 years of age? This also means that the Censor Board should be more stringent in filtering cinematic content and theaters should be more judgmental at the box office. Every rule or law requires proper execution to be a success.

• Respect towards women shall be taught as part of children's formal and informal socialization. Fathers shouldn't be portrayed as the head of the family. Instead parents should have equal jurisdiction in family matters. Preferential treatment towards any child must be discouraged. This can be followed in schools through moral education classes where stories of successful men and women shall be shared among other things.

• Lastly, I dreamt about it ever since I was a kid. Why not open an all-girl orphanage? Parents with unwanted girls can drop off their daughters to these orphanages instead of aborting them or marrying them off as kids. Encourage mothers to give birth to girl child  instead of aborting them and enlisting them in such orphanages.

Of course none of these methods have a 100% chance at success. They may all bomb for all I know. But instead of being sitting ducks and cursing each other and the system for all the crimes, wouldn't it be better if we took a step towards the betterment of society.

I am not an expert at this topic so please feel free to suggest more methods for prevention of such crimes and correct me in places I am wrong. Lastly, learn to respect women for if We revolt, we literally are the Mother of this civilization.